Lex Luthor's Toyful Scham
by Windrises
Summary: Lex Luthor decides to start selling Superman action figures and dolls.


Note: Superman is owned by DC Comics and was created by Jerry Siegel and Joel Shuster.

Superman flew to Lex Luthor's hideout. He had defeated Lex's fourth scham of the week and he was clearly getting tired of having to stop his silly schemes all the time. He flew into Lex's office.

Lex calmly said, "Greeting Superman. How may I assist you on this nice day?"

Superman replied, "You need to cut it out Luthor."

Lex responded, "Very well." He cut out a picture of a bat out of a magazine. He handed it to Superman and said, "Give that to your friend."

Superman said, "You cause me trouble several times a week. You need to knock it off."

Lex confidently walked around the room while saying, "I don't do anything to you."

Superman replied, "Give me a break."

Lex responded, "I can't give you one, until you start working for me. You really should consider working for me. One of my favorite fantasies is for you to start working for me. Seeing the mighty leader of the Justice League be forced to accept minimum wage checks from my company puts a smile on my face."

Superman asked, "What's wrong with you?"

Lex answered, "Not a single thing. I take excellence to a whole new level."

Superman replied, "You're the master of egos."

Lex responded, "Don't accuse of me of what you're guilty of. You have everybody call you super. It's not like I changed my name to Magnificent Luthor. However, it is a strong temptation."

Superman grabbed Lex and angrily asked, "Do you think that I enjoy having to stop every petty scheme that you come up with?"

Lex answered, "You seem to love considering the fact that you've never missed a chance to ruin of my brilliant plans."

Superman said, "You're going to face a lot of prison time after I get proof of how guilty you are."

Lex replied, "I'm guilty of being the world's best businessman. I control a majority of the businesses in this city and I'm thinking about taking over Wayne Industries."

Superman responded, "I'm going to put an end to all of it. You've spent years keeping several things you didn't deserve. You're going to start paying." He flew out.

Lex paced around his building while saying, "It seems like Superman wants nothing to do with me and my schemes." He decided that the best way to troll Superman would be to come up with a scheme that got him involved. He did an evil laugh while brainstorming a sneaky idea.

A few weeks later Clark Kent was assigned to do a report on Lex Luthor's new products. He, Lois Lane, and Jimmy Olsen were invited to a big press event where Lex would show off the new items that he had his company make. Clark said, "I'm not getting good vibes about this press event."

Lois replied, "I don't care."

Clark tried to be nice by saying, "Your hair looks beautiful."

Lois asked, "So what?"

Clark said, "I read your article about Superman fighting Brainiac. It was really well done."

Lois replied, "Whatever."

Clark whispered to Jimmy, "What's up with her?"

Jimmy sighed and said, "I made her mad this morning."

Clark asked, "What happened?"

Jimmy replied, "I was upset about not getting a raise so I threw away the Daily Planet staff's paychecks."

Clark nervously asked, "Does that mean you got rid of my paycheck?"

Jimmy said, "Sorry Mr. Kent."

Five minutes later Lex showed up to the press event. Jimmy started taking pictures of him. Lex enjoyed all the attention that he was getting, because he had a super big ego. He said, "Greetings Weekly Planet."

Clark replied, "It's the Daily Planet."

Lex asked, "Who would want to read that garbage on a daily basis?"

Jimmy said, "I usually use Daily Planet newspapers as napkins."

Lex replied, "I usually rip them half and throw them in Superman's face."

Lois grumpily asked, "Will you just show us your new products?"

Lex said, "Okay then. These products are super amazing merchandise of steel."

Clark asked, "What do you mean?"

Lex had a smile on his face while saying, "Prepare to be very impressed." He got out some new Superman action figures and dolls. He said, "I'm selling these all across the country. Kids are going to love them."

Lois asked, "Why would you make merchandise of your arch-enemy?"

Lex said, "Superman costs me money by foiling all of my money making schemes. That's why I'm going to profit off of him."

Clark walked away from the press meeting while whispering, "I can't let a bad guy market me. It's bad publicity." He ran around the city to look for a phone booth, but he didn't manage to find one. He sighed, drove back to his apartment, got on his Superman costume, and flew back to the press event.

Superman faced Lex and said, "I want to talk to you."

Lex replied, "I don't feel talking to you so lets just silently mock each other."

Superman said, "Spare me the jokes."

Lex replied, "You're the one who needs to spare me. Spare me the morals, the fights, and the rivalry."

Superman asked, "What's up with these toys of me?"

Lex started throwing toothpicks at Superman's head while saying, "It helps us both. I love making money and you love bragging about how super you are. Having me sell toys of you will end our rivalry."

Superman said, "You can't sell toys of me."

Lex asked, "Why not? Has selling toys become illegal?"

Superman answered, "You have to get legal permission to make merchandise based on real people. You didn't do that so I can sue you."

Lex had a smug smile on his face while saying, "You should start calling yourself Super Gullible if you think that you can sue me. Do you think that a superhero who hides his real name would be allowed to sue the amazing Lex Luthor? How foolish."

Superman said, "The thought of you selling toys of me gives me bad vibes."

Lex replied, "It gives me don't care vibes do go away."

Superman stared at Lex and said, "Don't be so confident Luthor. I have a feeling that this plan is going to have problems." Lex ignored Superman.

The next day Jimmy finished using that day's Daily Planet newspaper as a napkin so he threw it on the street. The Toyman picked up the newspaper and started reading it. He was upset to read that Lex Luthor was selling toys of Superman. He said, "Annoying Superman with toys is my gimmick. Lex's gimmick is supposed to be boring business garbage. I'm going to get revenge on him." He did an evil laugh.

The Toyman broke into a toy store that was selling thousands of Superman action figures and dolls. He beat up the guards and threw them outside. He said, "I usually love toy stores, but this one is selling super bad items. I'm not going to bother toying around them so I'll just give them a simple punishment." He lit a box of matches and threw them at the store. He ran out of the store while doing an evil laugh.

Lex was driving by in the fifth limo that he had bought that year. He looked out the window and was horrified to see that the toy store that he had picked to sell his first batch of Superman merchandise was on fire. He whispered, "That dumb Superman better come this time."

Superman flew around and saw the fire. He heroically said, "This looks like a job for Superman."

Lex replied, "What a time wasting thing to say at such an important time."

Superman responded, "I'm sorry. I've missed saying that." He used his super breath to blow out the fire.

The Toyman looked around and saw that Superman put out the fire. He whined, "My fantastic plan has been blown out."

Superman replied, "Greetings Toyman. I assumed that you would be upset about the new toys."

The Toyman replied, "I'm going to an exit out of building blocks."

Superman paused and asked, "What?"

The Toyman quickly finished making a wall out of building blocks. He was foolish enough to think that putting up the wall would keep Superman away from him. Superman lightly smiled and punched the building blocks apart. He grabbed Toyman and said, "You're going to have a long prison sentence and I assure you that you won't get any toys for a long time." Superman took Toyman to prison.

A few minutes later Superman flew to the remains of the toy store. Lex faced Superman and said, "You didn't manage to save a single action figure or doll." Superman shrugged his shoulders. Lex said, "However, you did stop Toyman from burning down any other toy stores so there are plenty of other places that I can sell my toys at. You owe a thank you for that."

Superman was surprised that Lex came that close to giving him a proper thank you. He offered Lex a handshake. Lex decided to shake Superman's hand. Superman said, "I think that this toy idea of yours is a little eccentric, but I'm glad that I haven't found anything illegal about it yet. I hope you stick to honest business instead of evil schemes." flew away. He flew away.

Lex said, "An honest business would be nice." He paused and said, "However, nice guys finish last and I always finish first." He did an evil laugh. Superman used his super hearing to listen to him. Lex seemed like a hopeless case, but Superman never has and never will given up on anybody.


End file.
